Tonight I wish not to sleep. I feel like stay up and enjoying being alone. Well Meg is asleep next to me, but that is ok I still have quite. I am left alone with my thoughts to dream of oneday finding myself.
It's been a while since I have seem Orion. I feel just as lost as if I was looking at it right now. I still think that it's tied to my soul some how. I still don't know where I have gone. I know that if I were to go outside and look at Orion I would still feel lost. Like I was looking right at me, but not knowing that it was the real me. My soul is up there somehow. I often think that I am dead inside because of the myth that when we die we become a new star. I ofen wonder if maybe I am one of those stars in Orions constalation or maybe they are all me that make it up. Maybe it is my past lives up there. I do not know the answers I am just one person who does not know the answers. I may never know the answers to what I seek. Maybe Orion holds the secret to my life. It is soo out of my reach and no matter what I do I will not get to it and find myself.
Yes I still feel lost. I do not think about it as much as I have, but that is because I have a lot of other things to think about. The only time I think about it is when I am left alone with my thoughts. When I am alone I tend to be happy yet sad at the same time. I do not know what to do to stop it except to find myself.
I often wonder if we are lost can others find us? Maybe it will take time I do not know.
I need to go and see if I can find my Orion tonight and look apon it and see how I feel. Good Night I went outside to find my soul, but I could not see it because the building was blocking my way. I did not wish to vent outside to find it.I sometimes think that I will never be able to find myself until I am home. Not home in the sense of as where I grew up, but the place where I will find myself and be happy. I must not ponder this sad thought anymore.
2:03 a.m. - 2003-03-31
Recent entries:
Change - 2008-03-01
I Guess I Am Eating Weird - 2008-02-24
OH OREGON - 2008-02-21
The Sun is Visiting Me - 2008-02-17
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