I am at my aunt's house again pet sitting for the weekend. The only thing is that I have to remind myself that today is Thursday and not Friday. It feels like a Friday to me and I still have class tomorrow morning. I should be ok since I have to get up at 6 a.m. to feed the dogs anyway.
I like not having to work tonight because I was able to watch Supernatural tonight. Normally I miss out and I have been so far behind that I am not 100% sure what is going on and so I have also downloaded a few episodes of it and Veronica Mars. I can only do this at my Aunts because I need high speed to download a 50 minute show, otherwise it takes 3 days for it to download on my computer at home. Now I just have to take turns uploading it to my computer at home and save it there so I can take them all home.
My self-esteem is starting to suffer once again. I am not sure of the cause other than me just wishing I could fix the things that are wrong with me. Like my face (acne) my teeth and maybe get into better shape. All superfical things, but I cannot help to want them to be different. They are not huge changes like plastic surgery or fixing something that does not need fixing. Acne and the other issues I have are from me not taking care of myself. I either get too into trying to fix them or give up because it seems impossible. Hard to convince yourself that you're worth very much, when you cannot even look yourself in the mirror without feeling discuss. I even hate the scars I have from when I broke up the fight between Mollie and Mandy.
I've been wondering if my depression might sufface again. Right now I do not feel it, but sometimes I think I see if lurker from the corner reminding me that I only pretend to be happy. That I busy myself with school, work and fantacies so I do not have to admit that I am not completely content with how things are. Normally when these hints start to surface I feel like I should not be here, but some place where I can maybe get help. I just hope these feelings pass and I don't have to think about them again.
I had my first math test today, I feel pretty confidant that I did well. There were two problems that I could not remember which way to write the expression. It was one of those reflection/shift kind of things. I haven't checked my notes or book to see if I did it right. So I think I should get either everything or 2 problems wrong. I am glad that I got a decent math teacher who does not make me feel stupid.
My classes are still going ok, well my Women in U.S. History class is a little of a let down. For an interesting topic and a woman who feels like it is needed she does not make it very interesting. I know it cannot all be expolsions and sex, but there has to be some way to spice things up. Me and some of the other girls hope that it will get interesting once we get into the 20th Century.
I guess that is it for me.
Night
10:12 p.m. - 2007-02-01
Recent entries:
Change - 2008-03-01
I Guess I Am Eating Weird - 2008-02-24
OH OREGON - 2008-02-21
The Sun is Visiting Me - 2008-02-17
- - 2008-02-12
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